05 January 2013, 04:13 PM IST
With those four words, American playwright and feminist Eve Ensler lifted the curtains of one of the harshest truths of sexual violence in our midst. She retraced how her mother, brother and sister had remained silent bystanders as she was repeatedly abused by her father during her growing up years. "Many years later, when I came out publicly and spoke about my abuse, my mother broke down and said, 'I sacrificed you'."
Today, Ensler who scripted the play Vagina Monologues is an inspiration to millions of women across the globe to break gender taboos. She believes the moment for women in India has now arrived and there will be no more sacrifices. "We sacrifice each other all the time. It is crucial to talk and tell your story," she eggs on. If you are strong and stand up for your sister, she in turn will stand up for someone and we will successfully break the wall of silence we have built around sexual violence. Sisterhood she said was contagious, even as she pointed out that men too had to be our allies.
I caught up with Ensler on her visit to Mumbai to carry forth her One Billion Rising campaign which is mobilizing women across the world to stand up against violence. It draws upon the fact that one in three women on the planet suffers from some form of violence in her lifetime.
Excerpts of my tete-a-tete with her:
On the current public outcry in India regarding violence against women.
Eve: We have brought rape to the surface as a national issue. When did we ever think rape would be a central issue anywhere in the world? India has been a spark of inspiration and I have been receiving mails from people in other parts of the world saying they are deliberating similar protests. Nepal has already started such protests. It is now an opportunity to push something through. We need to keep fanning the coal so that we never get pushed back again.
On the demand raised by some sections of the public for rapists to be given capital punishment.
Eve: What we should look at is fast-tracking procedures in the courts and the certainty of the judicial system. What safeguards do we give to women who come forward to complain? The issue of punishment is interesting. I don't believe in capital punishment. Given that one in three women bears violence, that would mean we are going to kill a lot of men. We have to hold them accountable. Put them in jails. We must also look at what we do to people we put in jails. Consider transformative systems of criminal justice. We must teach our girls and boys about sexuality.
If violence is so prevalent within families, how do girls/women garner the courage to speak out?
Eve: People don't know about their rights. We need to educate people about violence. Schools must teach children that no one has the right to touch you if you don't want. Harassment is very personal and we keep it personal so that it shouldn't become political.
One thing acute I sense in India is that women are incredibly brilliant and strong and they still don't believe it. It is crucial to talk and tell your story. It is the first step in healing as well as getting justice. One must not believe anything is the end of life or that the abuser has pushed you into darkness. Light will begin to shine once you begin to speak out. Women must come together to consistently speak up and support eachother. Build public pressure. When people take to the streets, things change.
On Bollywood and the pop industry being accused of perpetuating sexism.
Eve: The media reflects culture and the culture reflects the media. We must think of what images of sexuality we show-ensure that they are loving and not violating. But after all, these movies wouldn't succeed if people weren't going to watch them. I don't go to movies which show violence against women.
Is our perception of violence against women still limited to only certain crimes like rape?
Eve: Yes, we must broaden our definition of violence. When I interacted with women in Kerala I realised all forms of violence against women are prevalent here, be it domestic violence or incest. Killing of the girl child embryo is an incredible form of violence here. We must think about what kind of a society would we have in 15 years if we eliminate the girl child at this rate. We must look at violence-related issues such as the impoverishment of Dalit women or the factors which lead to violence such as poverty and capitalism.
Eve signed off on a positive note saying issues relating to violence against women had traversed a long road since she started her work 15 years ago. We broke taboos, changed laws, invigorated others and created leaders, in her words.
We may still have a long way to go, but hope floats, indeed.
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