29 March 2013, 03:14 PM IST
Sometimes simple gestures can be so much more eloquent than words… I realized this recently when my husband, our younger son Abhinav and I were driving through some rush hour traffic in the city and hubby dearest suddenly pulled over to the kerb, switched off the ignition and, dangling the car keys in front of Abhinav, said, "Hey, would you like to drive?" The expression on our son's face was a curious mixture of elation and slight trepidation as he slipped behind the wheel, put the car in gear and drove along the road. Both father and son's hearts were racing and it was one of the finest examples of a father communicating to his son that he trusted him not only with the car but also his very life!
It's a father's unique privilege to bring his son through various rites of passage. It may be a simple thing like letting him have his own room, or letting him stay home alone while his parents go out of town overnight; it may then be the first time he is allowed to use dad's electric razor and then, even dad's credit card and the car! These are big moments for boys in their transition from boyhood to manhood and sharing them with dad makes them special. The father-son bond is unique and yet quite complicated; strangely, though a father is a son's first role model, communication between them is not easy or smooth. While a daughter will dote on her daddy, jump onto his lap, share all her secrets with him, a son will not exactly be so communicative. Ah, men and their inability to express emotions!! They sure could learn a thing or two from us females!
Actually, what is a dad to his son? Is he really appreciated as much as he should be? Or is he just the guy whom the son doesn't see much around the house but who brings home the money required to buy stuff, whose clothes and shoes can be borrowed with impunity and often without permission, someone who asks uncomfortable questions about academics and exam results, is a strict disciplinarian (and, therefore, best avoided!), but yes, someone who is a crucial and integral part of his life and who MUST be there for the son to feel loved and secure? Honestly, there is much more to dad than what his son sees. While the world sings paeans to mothers, fathers remain a neglected lot. The mother bears the pain of child-bearing, but the father's role in child-rearing rarely gets its much-deserved accolades. Somehow, a little boy goes through several stages before he realizes the true worth of his dad—from the stage of "My dad knows everything" (when sonny is knee-high) through "He doesn't really know that much", followed by "He is out-of-date" to (check this!) "I wonder what dad would've thought about it" and "I think I'll get dad's opinion on this, he knows best"—circle completed! In fact, by this time, son has become a father himself!
It's only when he grows up, and steps back from him, or leaves him for his own career and his own home – it's only then that he can measure dad's greatness and fully appreciate it.
One of the most complex and intricate familial relationships is that of dad and son, which is why bonding for dad and son must be cultivated and strengthened. The father-son relationship serves as the foundation for a son till he grows to be an adult, and it is the cornerstone of the son's existence during his adolescent years when he is at the crossroads. As dad has more experience and knowledge than his son, he can provide the latter with guidelines. It is dad who steers the relationship in the right direction. There is something about the presence of the father that symbolizes power and respect. And though sons often do not realize it, or hate it if they do, discipline is needed in the role of fatherhood. Setting boundaries is important because children need to learn early on. A good father will know where to draw the line even when the child is angry or sad about it. The first priority of being a father is being a father, not a friend. Actually, this is the toughest part of fatherhood, but in the end it pays off. Children grow up knowing they have limits and this benefits them in the future.
Hey boys, do I sound suspiciously pontifical? Gosh, I never meant to! I just felt that you guys may need a little nudging to remind you that Dads are not the bad guys just because they set the rules. Actually guys, I'd like you to treat this write-up as a crash course in "Dad appreciation"—know the value of the treasure that is "dad", love and appreciate him while you have him. Dads are "cool", dads are fun and, most importantly, dads are oh-so-dependable—they will be there for you when no one else will. They will be the fall guys who will happily take all the blows that life will throw at you. You may not realize it but you are so lucky to have that taken-for-granted feeling that come what may, your Dad is there to share it with you. You may not even be conscious of the fact that it is your dad's presence in your life that allows you to sleep soundly at night and feel safe and secure at all times. He doesn't even let you be aware that after fulfilling the family's needs, he can ill afford to buy you something that you badly want—he gets it for you anyway, just to make you happy. A dad is someone who holds you when you cry, scolds you when you break the rules, shines with pride when you succeed, and has faith in you even when you fail...
And this one is for the dads (may their tribe prosper!), because, after all, I am pleading their case, aren't I? :- "The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." Got it, dad of my brats?
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