Protect women by making their rights an election issue

Pooja Bedi
08 September 2013, 02:43 PM IST

Every day, we read shocking newspaper reports of another brutal rape, gang rape, sexual abuse, rapes of little girls even as small as six months of age. But we do not read about an equal number of sentencings, severe punishments or any real deterrents to stop crimes against women. It's been stated that 90 per cent of rapes end up in acquittals. In fact, the shocking three-year sentence in a reform home for the most brutal rapist on grounds of being a "juvenile" rapist in the Nirbhaya gang rape, seemed a slap on the face of women and individuals who were traumatised, revolted, shaken and enraged by the incident.

As a seeming result, we suddenly saw more rapists jumping onto the "let's claim ourselves to be juvenile" bandwagon. As a woman, as a mother, as a citizen and as an individual, I am hoping to use the power of the pen today to gather your support to fight for the safety and rights of every single female family member that you love. Changing mindsets towards women is an intangible, laborious, time-consuming process that can span decades. We need immediate change. Effective policing, swift sentencing and severe punishments are the only measures that will prove immediate deterrents. Politicians hanker for 10 and 15 per cent vote banks; however, the women of India constitute a 49 per cent vote bank. Add to that the number of men that want to keep their wives, mothers, sisters and daughters safe and the vote bank is formidable.

Let's make it known that the only party to get our votes will be one with the most well thought-out agenda guaranteeing definite measures for swift and sensitive policing, speeding up of judicial processes and creating laws that assure punishments will equal the crime, with clear blue prints for execution. Protect the women you love and respect, no job creation or dollar correction political agenda can make up for coming home to a raped and ravaged loved one who either might die, or live to see her juvenile rapist back on the streets in three years, or have the indignity and despair of years of trial. Let's make protecting the women of every family an election issue.

Q&A

I'm a 41-year-old divorced guy who maintains himself very well in terms of working out, fashion, grooming etc. I don't have any kids from my marriage either. Since two years, I'm in love with this girl at work who's 32. We are friends, but I still haven't mustered the courage to confess my feelings. She doesn't have a boyfriend and her parents are groom-hunting for her. Should I tell her before it's too late? I love her a lot and don't want to lose the friendship either.

Of course you should, but only after knowing that she too feels the same way about you. Start with asking her out for coffees, then dinners, etc. Based on how she responds and reciprocates to your invitations and your time together, you will have a clear picture as to where you stand in her life. And fitting into the 'groom-hunting' space is then for the two of you as a couple to figure out.

I'm in my mid-30s and in an unhappy marriage. Recently, on a trip abroad with friends, I had a fling with a bartender. None of my friends judge me because they too, have done similar things at some point in life. However, one of my friends from college, who is also friends with my husband, is nagging me to confess to him about my wrong doing, else she's going to tell him. She is my friend first, how can she do this to me?

Well, she's clearly keener on being your conscience than your friend. However, there's no need for her to pressurise you into a confession, and you must make your displeasure evident to her. However, it's a call you have to take to either be honest with your husband and come clean, or wait for her to spill the beans, lose all contact with her, and also deal with a shocked husband. The hedge is that if the ball is in her court, she may not be able to tell him and be the "marriage breaker" and thus give you time to assess your marriage, make amends or call it quits at your own pace.

My daughters aged 15 and 18 do not get along at all. They are constantly fighting and arguing and as a mother, I have to intervene sometimes. I cannot leave them alone even for a couple of hours as both of them pick up silly reasons to quarrel about. My husband is getting fed up of this and thinks we should send the younger one to a college in another city. I do not think it is a very good idea, considering the reason is trivial. How do I deal with my kids?

Sibling rivalry will eventually turn into sibling revelry if the environment is kept positive, fair and healthy and filled with engaging activities. However, if you want to create space, deliberately separating them and sending one away will only create prejudice, be seen as taking sides and make the younger daughter feel ostracised. What you can do is make going to college in another city aspirational and make them both work hard towards it, so they feel it's a reward rather than a punishment. I suggest you let both go, because although they bicker at home, they will be a support system in a new environment to each other. If you can't afford it, let the offer stand for the one with the highest grades or the one that wants to avail of it.

Editor's note: Do you have a question for Pooja Bedi? Post it here. Your question may be chosen by her for an answer.

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