Is the modern Indian woman an alien to Indian men?

Pooja Bedi
10 November 2013, 10:06 AM IST

This article is in sympathy for the beleaguered Indian male who is confronted with an alien species: the modern Indian woman! She is a wondrous and amazing phenomenon but a huge? to him! He has seen a traditional grandmother and mother enjoy peaceful non-threatening roles as housewives and mothers and largely cocooned within their home domain. But this new breed of woman has wheels under her feet and air under her wings!

She has emerged from the clearly defined boundaries of her home and entered schools, colleges, and defined her right and role at the workplace. She effectively juggles a work life, her social life, her home, family life and traditions and festivities. She's a great blend of Western emancipation and Indian warmth, compassion, family values and traditions. But contrary to his conditioned mindset of how 'women at home' should be, she is strong, worldly-wise, opinionated, independent, economically self-sufficient and probably isn't a virgin. It's hard for him to digest because it's not something that has happened slowly, but in one generation's lifetime, over just a couple decades.

What he grew up looking at and what he is now confronted with is in stark contrast. How does he bring 'it' home to mom? How does he even begin to break his own mental stereotype and deeply ingrained 'good woman doesn't drink, entertain male work colleagues, party till late or go for holidays with her friends' thought processes? If conservatives drag her out of a pub for drinking, she retaliates by sending lakhs of pink chaddis in protest and carries on undeterred. Most men mistakenly perceive emancipation of women as losing power and control over their women. But the fortunate few see it as a wonderful union of equals. I say fortunate because the true strength of a man isn't in domination, it's in being strong enough to respect her for her life choices and instead of being threatened by her individuality, to enjoy it. The next time you encounter a beleaguered Indian male, ask him to be truly strong!

Q&A

I am a Gujarati girl from a fairly conservative family. I have been in two relationships and have had sex with both my boyfriends. I have a few sexual flings with friends as well. Recently, my father passed away and my mother wants me to get married now. Will my future husband be able to tell if I am not a virgin?
He will most certainly know that the hymen is not intact. You can lie to him about being a virgin but there's always a chance your body language in bed will reveal your experience. I feel you should get married for the right reasons; your father passing away is not reason enough and also to be married to the right person is crucial. A marriage should never be filled with lies, deceit and secrets. Marry someone who loves you and someone you can be honest with.

I am a 32-year-old guy who works in an ad agency. Recently, my girlfriend's parents went out for the weekend so I was at her place often. While we were having intercourse, her younger sister walked in on us. A few days later, she wrote me an email saying that she always fancied me and that when she saw us, she was embarrassed but also turned on and that I'd have a better time with her. I am physically attracted to her and would love to take up her offer. But I am not sure about the impact it will have on my relationship with her elder sister. What do I do?
If you play with fire, you will get burnt. Being in love with one sister and in lust with the other sister is just bad news. If you want to continue a meaningful relationship with your girlfriend I suggest you have a serious but gentle chat with the lustful sister about the indecent proposal.

My ex girlfriend is in a bad relationship with her husband. She broke up with me pretty abruptly a few years ago and got married, but that turned sour. I've long since moved on but when she comes to me with her sob stories, I cannot help lend a sympathetic ear. We went out for drinks the other evening and ended up at my place. I regard it as a mistake that I'd not like to repeat. I think she is using me for sex though, but I'd not like to continue that. Do I need to address this with her or just ignore it?
Continue to be her emotional support if it makes you feel guilty to just disconnect, but make your boundaries very clear. Tell her that she is a wonderful part of your past and that you are happy to be her friend, but that you have moved on in every other aspect and would appreciate her respecting that.

I am a 26-year-old woman, working in an MNC and in a relationship with a guy since the past two years. Due to immense work pressure, I work about 12 - 14 hours a day, which leaves me exhausted and I spend very little time with my guy. This causes a lot of friction in our relationship. I can't afford to let go of my job neither do I want to break up. What should I do?
Given your stressful job you need to focus on your well-being. So kill two birds with one stone by spending your free time doing things together that rejuvenate, relax and de-stress you. It could be movie watching, a foot spa treatment, going for a walk, listening to music and cuddling up, etc. That way he gets happy, together and intimate time with you and you get pampered emotionally and physically so you can go on full charge to work the next day.

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