Got a hole in your soul?

Vinita Dawra Nangia
15 December 2013, 08:29 AM IST

Realisation of what ails you is half the battle won; the rest is all about maintaining a firm control on life and balance within

Sometimes you do not realise you are in the midst of a vast silence till it is pierced through with sound. Often, you may not notice noise until it ends abruptly and silence prevails. You may not notice how dark it is till a light is flicked on. Sometimes you do not know how agitated you have been, till a caressing hand calms you. The absence of some people makes you realise the significance of their presence.

And then – sometimes you don't know there's a gaping hole in your soul till someone or something comes along to fill it and lift you to euphoric heights. My Facebook status for the last few days has been – 'A hole in your soul? Let's see, how can that be mended?' It aroused interesting responses, both off and online. "But where is the soul nowadays?" asked a friend at a cocktail party. "Are you sure you don't mean a hole in the sole of your shoe?" asked another. Some interesting solutions to m e n d the soul g a p we r e 'spiritual evolution' , ' karm a yoga ', 'striving to be my best self and to be considerate and compassionate,' 'by giving love' and then 'by the will power to heal and knowing when we last felt complete.'

What indeed is a hole in the soul? It is a feeling of inadequacy, of something vital missing from life. Very often a realisation of this gap causes a great restlessness till we figure out how to mend it. And yes, different things work for different people. All holes are not the same size and dimension, and each needs a different solution to fix it. Each of us has our own compulsions, our dreams, our purpose and goals; some things that make us wildly happy. A realisation of this and walking the path towards these is the only way to start feeling peaceful, calm and purposeful.

But the first step, of course, is the realisation of the void before we set out to bridge it. The realisation may not always come in a peaceful, friendly manner. It could be a jolt of awareness, a bolt from the blue. A jolt is often what you need to shake you out of a complacent, somnambulant state. And so, sometimes if someone or something comes along to shake us up, it is important to understand that Nature, God or your own supreme consciousness wants you disturbed for some good reason. This is the hard nudge you need to remind yourself that you are procrastinating, biding your time in a happy bubble, refusing to, or forgetting to move on and complete your life's purpose. Sometimes bad experiences help you understand your own inadequacy faster; hence the talk we hear of being grateful to and forgiving those who are bad to us and who painfully teach us a lesson or two. But what is supremely important is to be aware and alert all the time – to be in full control of and responsible for oneself.

Thinking of this, I was surfing the television when I was brought up short by the very dialogue echoing in my mind – a brilliant coincidence. A man trying to persuade his wife to help him bring down a powerful, independent girl to her knees, says, "Anyone is bound to fall when you take away his or her support. But for that, you have to first get the person accustomed to the support, before removing it." And the only way to do so is to attack them through their emotions. It is a game with some to bring down the more assured, the confident who seem to be walking their path unaided, all by themselves. Weakness despises strength; the insecure cannot stand the secure. You may find your inner peace, but the most important thing is to be able to defend it against those who are eager to disturb it.

There are plenty of hooks out there to latch onto – you have to choose which one you will allow to engage your mind. Rather than your life being dependent on incidents, accidents and circumstances, you have to engineer these to suit you and take charge of your own life. If firmly in the saddle, sometimes you may even allow yourself to be touched by something that is obviously potentially dangerous. Controlled damage may help the creative purpose you aspire for and help add value in other spheres of your life; it may help you know and understand yourself, your strengths and weaknesses better. Any experience is fine – so long as you emerge richer and stronger from it.

We are often not consciously aware of the need to maintain balance. If we are aware and alert, nobody can harm us or try and take away power or santulan, our sense of balance from us. If you look at and understand everything as part of a pattern that has to be unravelled, life becomes beautiful and exciting. If we view everything that is placed before us as a clue to unravel and understand life, we are better able to accept whatever life doles out to us.