19 January 2014, 03:31 PM IST
Cry as hard as you want to, but when you stop, make sure you never cry for the same reason again. If we don't learn from our mistakes, we are doomed to repeat them. It's all about falling into the same pattern again and again and again. It's said madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. It's just so hard to recognise our patterns, mostly because we do not wish to see them. Because acknowledging negative patterns means having to accept that we are flawed, our choices are flawed, and things need to change, and change, is never easy. But it is desirable, especially when you know that the biggest beneficiary is none other than you. We humans tend to either wallow in subservience or love the concept of 'martyrdom' and to feel that we are so noble that we have put others' feelings and routines and needs ahead of our own. But in doing so, you are merely fuelling your own ego and sense of superiority with a 'see, I'm so nice and giving and caring and selfless'. I can't emphasise enough how much the self matters. It's not about being selfish. It's about being this amazing soul God put on this planet. Yes, go out and help others, take care of them, but not continually at the cost of yourself, your health or your dignity. That's a negative pattern, and you need to break out of it, because you were born to live and laugh to your fullest potential, not just fuel and serve the potential of others.
I have been seeing this girl for nine months. Truth be told, she tends to flirt. I know that she has had relationships in the past and that she's an extrovert by nature. Problem is that she's very pretty, so she is always the centre of attention and constantly gets chatted up by guys around her. It drives me crazy and I don't know what to do. Help!
You can either feel insecure that others like her or you can feel secure in the fact that she's chosen you over everyone else. Good! It will keep you on your toes, and you will not get complacent or take her for granted. Keep it sizzling, keep it happy and keep it alive. If you want to keep her, let her know you get concerned, but that you are protective, not possessive and simply let her breathe.
My boyfriend and I have been through a lot together. We've always pulled through and managed to stay together and happy. Of late, I've been noticing a void though. We don't talk much, we don't get excited at the idea of meeting each other at the end of the day. Am I clutching at straws or just over-thinking the situation?
Either it's sizzling or it's fizzling in relationships. What all you have been through or 'pulled through' must have drained all the excitement and freshness of the relationship. Take an 'emotional repair and recharge' break for a couple of months with a no dating others clause. Reconnect and see if the sparks fly. If not, it's best to move on.
I am a 16-year-old in love with a girl for the past four years. But one of my two best friends was also in love with her. He asked her out, and I, letting friendship take over love, let it be. But my feelings for her never eroded. Now, when I had the chance to ask her out after three long years, my other best friend asked her out. I am a bit unattractive in looks as compared to her, but my love for her has not faded a bit. We are still good friends, but I don't think she loves me. I know this is true love, but I don't know what to do. I dream about her day and night. Please help.
One sided love is simply not a good thing or makes for a healthy relationship. It's easier to say 'move on' than it is to actually do so, especially at an age when emotions and hormones are in overdrive. So, instead, I advise you to work on yourself to win her over. If your looks are an issue, make up for it by developing your personality, be charming, groom yourself, learn an instrument, be a snazzy dancer, be a class topper, be the guy who gets the best job, the best salary. Make her raise her eyebrows and wish you were hers as much as you wish she was yours.
My husband and I got married one-and-a-half years back. It was an arranged marriage. I don't know what he wants, he doesn't care about me. He only cares about his family and his mother. He doesn't admire my efforts and feelings. He doesn't even want to discuss anything. I think he doesn't love me and he's not even interested in any other girl. I don't know the reason for his behaviour. What should I do?
Tell him you cannot live in a loveless marriage. If there is a lack of intimacy and even sex, then the need to correct things is even more important. If he's not communicating, try family intervention or marriage counsellors. If he isn't willing to make efforts then it is for you to decide whether such a life is acceptable. But till you make a decision you can live with, please do not have a child because every equation and options will change, and not necessarily for your best.
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