27 January 2014, 03:56 PM IST
When Sheena met Vinay, sparks flew with an alarming and unexpected velocity. After all they had only exchanged pleasant emails, and had two uncomfortable conversations on the phone before they met.
Sheena, at 32, was on the verge of throwing up her last marital hopes, and in a last-ditch effort had posted an ad on a matrimonial website. Vinay, at 32, had only met Sheena under the insistence of his mother, who was keen on getting her only son married. Her biggest fear, the nightmare that plagued her sleep, was that her handsome son would be "hooked" by a foreign girl in Nairobi, where he had recently moved for work.
Sheena and Vinay met in Bombay, over drinks at a trendy bar when Vinay was in town on a business trip. They immediately "clicked." Vinay liked Sheena's attractive personality, her independent spirit and her looks. Sheena, an executive at a Bombay corporate found Vinay charming.
She pictured them fitting-in perfectly in the universe of her coupled friends. Sheena and Vinay spent the next three days together. They kissed on day two, and had sex on day three. For Sheena part of the vetting process included testing for sexual compatibility, and Vinay had passed with flying colors.
On day 4, they called their parents informing them that they had decided to marry, and both sets of thrilled parents agreed to meet in Bombay.
For most people who have been involved in, or witnesses to the arranged marriage process (and this would be most of us) Sheena's and Vinay's matrimonial trajectory may seem like an anomaly, but today, in 2013, it is far from. Their story brings to light many facets of this new India with its constantly evolving relationship landscape.
Sheena and Vinay had an "arranged cum love marriage." They met through the Internet on the behest of their parents, but then took matrimonial matters in their own hands. Sex too was an important part of the equation, and traditional factors like the boy's salary were not as important because Sheena had a successful career of her own.
Sheena and Vinay's story does not end here. A year after they got married, they filed for divorce. Sheena moved to Nairobi and was unable to find a job. She quickly discovered that Vinay's sales job was not half as glamorous as he had made it out to be, and it became difficult for her and Vinay to live the lives they were used to with just one earning member. This led to disputes, which then catapulted into bigger fights and problems.
When Sheena discovered Vinay's secret affair with a co-worker, she immediately moved back to India and filed for divorce. In Sheena and Vinay's story, there are some interesting revelations.
As Indian marriage goes through a metamorphosis, even the age-old formula for arranged marred marriage is changing, as are ways of finding a match. In an earlier simpler time, the formula was simple– Marriage, sex and then if you were lucky, then love. Today, this is all changing and there are many permutations and combinations of this formulas.
Perhaps the biggest change in arranged marriage is the role of the to-be wedded in their own marriage, and the diminished role of the parents. Like in the case of Sheena and Vinay, prospective partners often go on 'arranged' dates before they decide and commonly now, there is an extended period of dating before a formal agreement to the marriage.
Sex too has an increasingly important role, before, and in the course of the marriage, as women become more uninhibited in their sexual behavior and expression of it. Divorce rates have skyrocketed in the past decade, as women and men find it difficult to "adjust" to each other. Everyone expects a steady dose of love in their marriage, and if it doesn't follow, the young are impatient, and quick to find a fire escape.
Sheena and Vinay's story is common in India's transforming marital landscape. Technically they had an arranged marriage, but only when they saw the potential for romantic love. When love did not come, they were quick to call it quits, simply because they could, and they both knew that there would be other options.
In this new India, everyone is looking for love. Romantic love has become the defining trait of the new generation, with a close to 30 per cent of the urban middle-class saying they marry for love. The main question we have to ask – that if romantic love is the basis/fundamental of relationships, what happens when this sometimes volatile and often nebulous quality fades away, sometimes as swiftly as it arrived. What then is the future of marriage?
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