What Is Your Favorite Compliment

Abhijit Bhaduri
27 April 2014, 09:29 AM IST

My parents believed that the child must never be praised in public. My father believed that it would immediately make me complacent and lazy. That in turn, would make me unambitious and eventually ruin my life. My mother believed that praising the kid (in front of others) would make the whole world cast an evil eye. That would bring me bad luck. The routes were different, but the destination was the same. Praise would end up in disaster. Thankfully, they were more generous when others were not around.

When it came to praising others they would be really encouraging. That made them very popular with my friends. They would come home and read out their short stories and poems or show them their paintings and then enjoy all the appreciation that my parents would douse them with. It would make me turn green with envy. There was nothing fake in their appreciation for others, but why did they not apply the same yardstick to me, I wondered.

Modern parents will scoff at that philosophy. "Catch them doing something right" is the operating principle. Parents keep a close watch on their progeny hoping to build their self-esteem by effusively praising them. I am never sure if that is driving up our medals tally at the Olympics or getting us more Nobel Laureates. But I am sure, as a nation our collective self-esteem is going sky high.

I think we do not react equally well to every compliment. We all have one compliment that matters more to us. That is our "favorite compliment". Think about all the compliments that you receive and then single out one that you relish for a long time. The compliment plays in your head over and over again. You replay that blurry moment like a worn out tape that has gone all grainy but you just want to watch that scene one last time.

Compliments are best when they are specific. So when someone appreciates your songs by saying, "You have a lovely voice…" that feels good. It is even better if someone were to say that your voice is imminently suited for soft romantic songs. It could be about the great mint tea you make. The compliment has to be genuine.

Different people care about different things. I knew a cardiologist who was revered for his professional skills but what made him melt was when someone appreciated his paintings. I knew it meant a lot to him to hear that. He would respond to his favorite compliment by bringing out his sketch book and showing me more of his art. You could of course argue that praising his skills as a surgeon should then get him instantly to the operating table, but no, that is not the point.

I know a very famous singer whose favorite compliment is about her tresses. When a colleague accidentally called her Rapunzel, she blushed like a teenager. There is a glow that is hard to miss when you discover someone's favorite compliment. The person will remember that compliment till their dying day. It is special. No matter how many times you hear that, you can never have enough of it.

What is your favorite compliment? How did you discover that this compliment matters the most to you?

Join me on Twitter @AbhijitBhaduri

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