30 April 2014, 10:32 PM IST
Popatlal Patel and Kamlesbhai Kapadia were in a quandary. Yes, they were as excited as the dancers of the Ratan Pol dandiya raas at the thought of 'amara Modi-saheb' whacking the opposition at the polls. But what left them scratching their heads was the number of models being talked about at this election, and being either ramped up or slammed down by rival leaders. Popatlal took a long slurp from his saucer of masala chai, and cried, "Hey Bhagwan! Aa shu chali rahiyu chhey, what is going on? Are we in the middle of the most important election since independence or are we in the middle of the Femina 'Face of the Year' contest?" Kamlesbhai nodded, and sighed, "Sachu kaho chho, Popatlal. All we are hearing is 'Gujarat modul', 'Adani modul', 'Vadra modul'. Are party leaders making speeches at a rally, or are they emcees doing the usual lavara-bakbak during Fashion Week?"
One could sympathise with the confusion befuddling the two Manek Chowk chums. The political discourse seemed obsessed by the line-up of models. So it was easy to understand Popatlal's puzzlement when he shook his head over his oilier shaak-puri and confided, "I was quite happy when the talk was only about our Gujarat modul. Sachu kaho toh, it is a soopper-modul like Sheetal Mallar or that Tuff-ben, Madhu Saap-re."
He looked over his shoulder to check if his own Sarlaben hadn't crept up behind him before continuing to drool over the much-touted NaMo model. "Yes, i really feel like a 'Garvi Gujarati' when big-big economists like Jagdish-bhai praise its well-stacked statistics. Every industrialist from Mukeshbhai to Ratan-seth, and a myriad SMEs thereafter, have wanted their enterprises to take off from our state's glam-sham ramp."
Kamlesbhai dipped his own vatana pattice into the sauce, "Yes, and only another Gujarati could ramp up Narendrabhai's showstopper. Only someone as multi-talented as our Gautambhai could groom the Adani modul to add methiya-masala to the Gujarat modul."
Ignoring the Congress sarcasm, Kamlesbhai continued to salivate over the rising stock of the other Gujarati model, "Like some Kingfisher calendar girl, the Adani modul's infrastructure is eye-popping. See-see how her vital statistics have blossomed under Modi-saheb's massages. She's international. That jalto-jealous Rahul-chhokro can go choke on his toffee."
This naturally turned the talk to the Vadra model. Now Popatlal and Kamlesbhai could really go to town because here was a guy who truly looked like the star candidate of a rag mag's 'Manhunt'. The rising Gandhi sun-in-law was given to strutting about in designer shades, the lissome Priyanka-not-Chopra by his side. He had prowled down the ramp leading to the polling booth in pink pants to the catcalls of the audience. Pumped up by vigorous push-ups, his pecs seemed to burst out of his tee, like scandals out of a tight spot.
Our two Guju friends could not help a ripple of envy themselves as they saw the Vadra model's stride swallow up the stage as if it were DLF land. Diggy Singh's Oped in the TOI may have tried to convince a sceptical nation that the Gandhi damaad received just an itsy-bitsy bikini of land from the Haryana government compared to the whole range of outfits that Rahul accused Modi of gifting to crony-Adani. But Popatlal and Kamlesbhai weren't buying this Gandhi-modulated baingan.
Getting up to go catch the next Gujarati 3D show, Popatlal primly said, "The Vadra modul may look sexier, but he has no code of conduct." And Kamlesbhai drooled, "I'm waiting for his wardrobe malfunction."
***
Alec Smart said, "So, it was the EU not the EC which spoiled the aam party."
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