04 May 2014, 08:24 AM IST
Stop looking for Sugar Daddies; become Sugar Mommies instead! Successful women should consider marrying lower and younger…
A recent Bollywood wedding once again raised questions about extra marital affairs and home break-ups, and who is to blame when a man walks out of his marriage to be with another woman.
The discussions transported me back to a living room in Beijing a couple of months ago, where the topic of discussion was xiaosan or 'The Little Third,' a derogatory term used for women who 'break up' homes. The rampant phenomenon of girls brazenly targeting older, rich men has given rise to a fanatic rage amongst women in Chinese social circles. The Chinese are even considering legislation to make The Little Third pay damages for breaking a home!
Marriages breaking up due to a third party is a common occurrence, but examples from Bollywood are more glaring because of media attention. Rani Mukerji's entry resulted in the Aditya Chopra-Payal Khanna rift. Sridevi's closeness to Boney Kapoor caused his split with wife Mona Kapoor. This was after Sridevi caused tremors in Mithun Chakraborty's marriage with Yogita Bali. Closeness to Shabana Azmi caused Javed Akhtar to move away from wife Honey Irani. Lara Datta's affair with Mahesh Bhupati led to the break-up of his marriage with Shveta Jaishankar. The sultry Smita Patil and Raj Babbar grew close at the cost of his marriage to Nadira.
In sharp contrast to these men who left their wives for younger beauties, are those who stand tall for having saved their marriages despite deadly temptation. Raj Kapoor stuck to wife Krishna despite a passionate affair with Nargis. Amitabh Bachchan never broke up with Jaya despite Rekha; Govinda patched up with Sunita, as did Mithun with Yogita.
Then there is Dharmendra who set up a 'chinnaveedu' (the other home or love nest) in true Tamil tradition with Tamilian lover Hema Malini. In Andhra Pradesh the second wife's home is called 'china illu' (small house). These Southern states may frown upon skimpily-clad women, but not on second wives!
Actually, the problem goes much beyond fatal attractions, extra-marital affairs or blame games. It is a real social issue that needs to be dealt with. An increasing number of women set upon building successful careers, miss the bus where marriage is concerned, waking up too late. The Chinese usually have interesting, though derogatory terms for such social categories and phenomena. This category of women is called 'shengnu,' or 'leftover women'.
Look around in your immediate vicinity; you will be surprised at the number of highly successful, unmarried women you will notice. Educated, well paid and confident, these women are not willing to lower their standards and make compromises. They may even be happy with single lives but come under overwhelming pressure from family to marry. And since all the good (read successful and rich) guys are taken, they do not have much choice.
So it isn't as if these women go looking for a married man to break up his marriage. These are the only available men who meet their standards. And surely, it is a test of character and of the strength of their marriages whether these men allow The Little Third to enter their sacred space or not.
A great solution would be if the successful women who already have it all, except a man in their lives, elected to marry down and marry younger – offer an unemployed and not-so-successful guy some privileges. The problem arises when they wish to have it all. For instance, Farah Khan married well, a younger guy with potential — Shirish Kunder — and even gave him a hand up professionally. Now they are happy with their triplets. When Kareena Kapoor linked up with Shahid Kapoor, she too would have ended up giving a leg up to a guy less successful than her; but things didn't work out between them.
So, how about it, women? Are you game for shifting perspective and looking a bit lower than traditionally acceptable? Choose and nurture men younger than you in time, if you are single and successful, and too ambitious to marry rightaway. Wouldn't you love to be Sugar Mommies for a change?
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