The traffic lights of your relationship

Written By Unknown on Minggu, 04 Mei 2014 | 21.16

Pooja Bedi
04 May 2014, 05:12 PM IST

Every single day I'm bombarded with so many questions by my readers seeking solutions to their relationship issues. All relationships go through ups and downs and sometimes seriously turbulent patches. Every situation has a solution if both are determined to make it work, put aside ego, detrimental habits and are willing to let go of past issues. What I wonder about are those that enter and foster relationships which have red flags pasted on them from the very beginning. Categorising your potential partner is very much like our traffic signals; Stop, slow down and proceed! The green signals to proceed are generally that both care for each other, have multiple areas of compatibility, is someone you can be yourself with, someone who is respectful of your individuality, your family and your friends. The orange signal denotes slow down and be watchful. Be wary of entering a relationship who on the guise of being concerned and protective is actually someone who seeks to control you, your schedule and everything in your orbit. There is a definite difference between protective and obsessive, and you need to differentiate it with a clear head. If families are averse to inter caste and inter faith liaisons then the eventuality is something you need to clear up front (as clinical as it may seem) because there's no point investing many years with no fruition. Red signals are married people, emotionally and physically abusive partners, unreciprocated love, a man who has no income, a suffocatingly jealous person, in laws that don't like you (if you will have to stay with them), and someone with whom you have no areas of compatibility except for chemistry. A red light means stop! Or proceed with the possibility of grave consequences. Good citizens observe traffic lights and stay safe. Those that effectively navigate their relationships do too! 


Q&A

I am a 20-year-old girl in love with a guy who is 22. We belong to different communities and my parents are totally against us tying the knot. We have thought of eloping a couple of times, but I want my parents to be happy with my choice and get me married the right way. What should I do?

If they are against it, chances of them being happy are slim. Even if they accept it, it doesn't mean they will be happy about it. So that's something you need to come to terms with. If that thought is okay with you, ensure your love is so deep and relationship so rock solid that your life with him is worth the drama that will ensue. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.


My best friend and I have suddenly stopped talking. He is going through a lot of problems at home and seldom goes out of the house, meets anybody or talks to anyone. I have tried helping him as well but I've figured out that there's nothing that will maybe take him out of this situation. Please help. 

Just give him constant reassurances through text, mail and social media that you understand he is going through something important but no matter what the crisis, he has your love, support and friendship on call 24/7. Even though he may be in the midst of a tornado, it will ground him and give him a sense of strength and stability. Problems don't last, good friendships do!


I am a 15-year-old girl and in love with a guy who is 17. We live in the same building and last month he confessed his love for me. But suddenly after a few days he asked me to forget about everything, and said we could only stay friends. I have started liking him  and don't know how to get a hold of myself. He treats me like his girl but says that we cannot move beyond this. What should I do? 

Indecision, game playing and also obsessive behaviour is all part of being a teenager. You can choose to play games and vie for his attention, but that is rarely treated with respect. I suggest that no matter what is going on internally within your heart, you tell him to respect boundaries and not treat you in an over familiar manner and that you're cool with friendship as well. Make it clear that there are no blurred lines and that crossing the lines involves commitment, there's no free gate pass to your heart and affections.


I am a 27-year-old girl. I was in love with his guy in my college but he was dating a batchmate of ours. They broke up a couple of years back and then I expressed my feelings to him. Since then, he has stopped talking to me. I have tried calling him a few times but he disconnects my call. What should I do? 

Apply, apply no reply! Is route ke sabhi line vyast hai? What is the point of chasing what doesn't want to be yours? Do you want him to compromise his idea of love and a compatible partner? And why would you want to compromise your life and be with someone who might never love you back?

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