30 December 2013, 03:01 PM IST
You probably have heard this before "Nice people finish last" and perhaps have experienced it as well - watching pushy, inconsiderate individuals get the job you wanted or have received the romantic attention of someone you have been pining for. It didn't seem fair, did it?
If you have observed this rare breed, called 'nice people', closely and understood what they had to offer --integrity, compassion, protection, support, passion, & possibly lots more, you'd be confused; why, despite having these attributes, are they simply walked over and cast aside in everyday relationships!
Look inside an office and you'll see that you don't have to be 'the boss' to take on a leadership role. If you are one with the most experience in a certain skill, you'll have, at least in a few key moments, the opportunity to become the 'leader' and guide your team. That's a no brainer right there, isn't it?
Psychological studies in this area have been fascinating. They have helped us understand the connect between the ability to lead, when necessary, and the achievement of professional success; taunting us to the ever unanswered question: Do nice guys really finish last in life?
Though difficult to predict, evidence shows that 'nice guys' typically earn less than their more aggressive colleagues. And while you may agree, aggressive people are often perceived as 'jerks', studies do not suggest that you become one to get ahead in life, rather they suggest that highly agreeable men need to watch the outcome of their assertiveness when it comes to their work. Especially, assertiveness, that relates more closely to taking on the role of a 'leader'.
Let's analyze why this happens and what you - the nice guy, can do about it.
With research proving, at least statistically, that nice guys earn less than their aggressive peers, it shows a strong negative relationship between 'agreeableness' and the income for men. The more agreeable a person is, the lesser will be the earnings!
In everyday life, outside of the workplace, the being 'agreeable' trait is considered as a positive characteristic - of being warm, sympathetic, kind and cooperative. When the nice guy is an agreeable person, he is an ideal person to spend time with. He will allow people to come into his life, and will agree with them on everything. It's so important for people to like him, so he's Mr. Agreeable all along.
While there's nothing wrong with being nice, but when you're so nice to everyone, you stop being nice to yourself and your efforts can backfire.
This unique duality exists because disagreeable men, in competitive, work environment, are viewed as tough negotiators, and are those who stick to their vision, unfortunately though, women don't receive the same benefit in terms of how they are viewed. The general perception being - if a woman is agreeable, she may be taken advantage of, and if she is disagreeable, she is considered a control freak. Therefore, even though being 'disagreeable' may not seem too ideal a scenario, being too agreeable is viewed as a sign of weakness and perceived as a flaky personality, lacking in confidence and conviction.
But having seen that, if being an agreeable person is highly desired, how can a balance be found? Is there any direct connect between being assertive and the qualities associated with higher earnings and work-related success?
I believe the answer lies in analyzing - what fills up the high-earning positions, not just those of 'the boss' - but that of the leader.
When we begin examining the qualities of leadership as a whole, which can include men or women, we look past the gender bias, and focus on the qualities that are more universally applicable in the workplace. By examining these qualities that have strong connections with leadership, we can see where 'nice guys' may be going wrong, and find out what it really takes to lead others and advance in a competitive environment.
Let's dig deeper …
Decisiveness - When we witness someone making and sticking to their decisions, we subconsciously associate them with responsibility, and they are more likely to be perceived as leaders. Leaders often have the first-mover advantage in many decision making situations, as being one with the most conviction of creating a self-reinforcing cycle that leads to the development of certain kinds of collective beliefs within their team members.
Vision - A natural compliment to decision making, vision defines the road map, and the leader does more than just shout their opinion the loudest—they are best at articulating their thoughts one by one and justify how things are going to fall in, in a group, for instance.
However, when we regard speaking in a group, research has found brainstorming as an ineffective method for coming up with ideas. Agreeable people can be anxious about being negatively evaluated and be apprehensive about having their thoughts judged by others, and undergo social loafing - deliberately exert less effort to achieve a goal, where the reliance is on the group for ideas instead of voluntarily putting forth their own.
Persistence - While being persistent does emphasize on the need to convince, there are certainly some differences between the typical 'agreeable' and a persistent personality. Nice guys, the agreeable ones, use the tactic of voicing their opinion just for the sake of argument, thereby playing the devil's advocate, when they want to disagree. Although it may seem that being the devil's advocate allows nice guys to keep pushing for their opinion without hurting any feelings, often this tactic backfires, as it generally strengthens the group's opinion on the original argument!
On the other hand, the persistent person by virtue of his articulate nature, would actually be listened to much more closely and evaluated for much longer, because a majority will at least seek to understand the opposing argument, before dismissing it.
It therefore becomes imperative for nice guys to not only be persistent in their efforts towards greatness, but also need to learn 'when to hold' and 'when to fold', and if they are confident of their idea or argument, they need to push for it without trying to please everyone.
Do you agree?